Note to Obama: Hire Funnier Writers.

So I woke up this morning at my usual time (6:00 AM, if you are interested), padded downstairs, got a cup of coffee and started reading the morning news. What to my surprise did I see is a note that Senator Obama was on Letterman last night, and was planning to address - in a funny way - the whole lipstick/pig thing. GREAT. Can't wait to see this. It needs to be addressed, funnily, and then put to bed.

GOOD GOD.

This is what he had to say:

"Keep in mind, technically, had I meant it this way, [Palin] would be the lipstick. The failed policies of John McCain would be the pig, just following the logic of this illogical situation."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!!

My four year old is funnier than that. In the morning, when she's half awake.

I don't think it is possible to script something that screams "intellectual elitist" more than what Obama had to say on Letterman. This is the best Obama's writers can offer up?

I have a few suggestions I would like to offer to Team Obama, were they to ask for said advice:

1) Please, for God's sake, just stop talking about her. You aren't running against her, and it's beneath you to keep talking about someone who's running for VP. Let the 37,459 surrogates at your disposal speak about her.

2) Focus on McCain. The man has offered up a buffet of material that rivals the all you can eat Chinese place my father eats at twice a week. THIS is the man who you are running against. Evidence that McCain is weak? I haven't seen or heard from him in over a week - which is probably due to the fact that my mother taught me not to go messing around in married women's skirt folds, which is where I suspect he is hiding.

3) Put an APB out on your funny bone. Someone done stoled it. And if you can't find it, please hire some people who know the difference between a joke and what you said on Letterman last night. I know funny. That wasn't it.

4) Get mean. Grow a spine, buy some brass knuckles, and take shots. You are getting hammered by the Empire and the best you've got is some lame commentary on an illogical situation? ILLOGICAL SITUATION? This is politics, man. Wake up. Logic will send your butt right back to Chicago. Or Harvard. Or Hawaii. Anywhere but the White House.

There's a lot of news about "whispering" among Democrats that you are letting this election slip away. I don't think we've gotten that far yet, but I can sure see the sharp bend in the road ahead.

Two more words of advice, if you really want to take this by the reins: Bill Clinton. 'Nuff said.